Yes, I am wearing black, but with a twist

Today I'm wearing coloured tights, purple ones to be exact, and actually, they look pretty cool! It's part of my attempt to wear less black and more colour. But I love black so much, it's nice and safe and I swear it goes with everything. Colour is good, but looks better on other people. I'm more of a brightly coloured accessory person. I'm the girl dressed entirely in black, but with the bright yellow laptop!

The tights were an impulse buy from Primark, on the basis that if I did hate them then it wasn't a complete waste of money. My dilemma with the coloured tights is what to wear with them; the easy option is black (unsurprisingly that's what I've done).

I'm not sure about wearing colour with coloured tights, it's a tricky one to pull off. Wearing purple elsewhere can look rather naff, and if you wear contrasting colours it can end up looking too little-girlish. I'm sure there must be some rules somewhere, but no ones told me about them. I'm going to be a coward and stick with the black for now...

British, not English

Watching the BTCC, one of the commentators was talking away during a safety car phase, but stated that other than Giovanardi, everyone in the field was English. Now I know that clearly no offence was meant, but this irks me. While the majority of the field are English, there are some who hail from Scotland and Colin Turkington, championship leader is from Northern Ireland, so correctly we should say British.

Historically it's only relatively recently that the term 'British' has emerged. Before then 'English' was used as an umbrella term for all of the UK. But now, using 'English' when you mean 'British' is just a lazy habit.

I have been told in the past that I'm an awkward sod for insisting that I'm British and not English. Yes, I was brought up in the home counties and I do sound very English, but if you classify me as that it's essentially writing off half of my family, which I refuse to do.

The other reason I think that British is a much better term is that it's far less divisive than English, Scottish, Welsh, Northern Irish. Not that I'm trying to do down anyone who identifies as any of these, but at the end of it we are all British and our country is amazing; each nation of the union has a distinctive culture and traditions and we work together better as a country.

I think that if people want to celebrate being Welsh/Scottish/English/N. Irish it's all cool as long as it's positive and pride in your home nation, and not at the expense of another (and yes, this is normally the English). The idea that the Scots actively want England to fail at football to other nations is bizarre to me, but then I accept I will never understand the passion that some people devote to football.

It's cliched but together we are greater than the sum of our parts. I am British and I am proud of that.

500ml of pepsi contains 60% of your daily sugar intake..

Forgive the awful quality of the picture, but this is a perfect example of an annoyance of mine. I buy a 500ml bottle (of Oasis in this case, but the same is true of Pepsi etc.) and the nutritional information on the label informs me that "This bottle contains two 250ml servings". Why? Who are all these people who go and buy a bottle of pop and then only drink half of it? They're not anyone I know!

Do the right thing drinks companies and admit that one bottle will normally be drunk by one person. We can deal with the consequences of the whole truth of how much sugar is in the stuff!

Anxiety

Imagine that you're on your own in the house, quietly reading one evening. Then you hear a loud shattering noise. What's the first thing that comes into your mind?

If you're me the first thing is often the worse possibility. I'd imagine that someone's broken in and they're going to find me and kill me. Rationally I know that it's crazy, but I can't help but feel the surge of emotion and fear from my initial irrational response. I panic about under-cooking food, so time cooking things to the minute from the times on the packet. I worry that whenever my parents get in a car they're going to die in a horrible accident. I have to hold onto the rail when I go down the stairs in my house because I feel that if I don't then I'll fall and break my neck. Those are my most common anxieties.

A few years ago, I was diagnosed as having a condition referred to as "generalised anxiety disorder" (GAD). I was very fortunate to have a GP who took me seriously and didn't just fob me off as a stressed out final year undergraduate. At that time I was in a bad state, I felt sick from the permanent lump in my throat pretty much from when I woke up to when I went to sleep and the feeling of impending doom hanging over me terrified me. It was a particularly bad bout of anxiety, but I've felt this undercurrent of fear and lack of control for years.

This might sound like just stress, but taken to extremes. What distinguishes GAD from stress is that you suffer this more days than not for long periods of time. It's a condition which can be very hard to explain to anyone and even now I do feel like I've failed as a human when I admit that I'm struggling on some days.

I am a lot better than I used to be thanks to a combination of the support of friends, the university counselling service and some work in trying to realign negative thoughts into more helpful ones. I do still have days when I struggle to face the world, I can feel the lump in my throat making me feel like I can't breathe. It's different to a panic attack, more of a low level feeling of dread that I try to ignore. Sometimes when I feel like this I don't want people to look at me, because if they see me they'll see through me and know that I'm struggling. They'll know that I've failed.

I've written this post because it helps me to feel better if I write my thoughts down, it makes them feel more manageable. If anyone is reading this and recognises themselves in this, tell someone you trust how you feel, because it is so true that sharing a problem helps you start to solve it.

The McLaren-Mercedes relationship and the 2009 driver silly season

In other F1 news, the driver merry-go-round continues with everyone waiting for Ferrari to declare before everyone else can shake down. If Massa is fine to race next year (which seems likely from the general news on the subject) then it looks like it'll be Massa and Alonso at Ferrari. Unsure where Raikonnen in go; would love to see Kimi and Lewis together at McLaren, that would give us some good battles. I do think it's more likely that we'll see Lewis partnered with Nico Rosberg at McLaren because he'll be a lot cheaper than Kimi and would suit Mercedes very nicely. Eddie Jordan commented on the BBC coverage on Saturday that he was expecting to see Brawn GP (also powered by Mercedes) with Button and Rosberg next year but I can't see that happening. I think despite Ruben's outbursts this year the team will keep him on as a pair of safe hands.

Although there may be something in the hint implied by Jordan that Mercedes are not as close with McLaren as they used to be. We have several cars in the field running a Merc. customer engine which dilutes the McLaren-Mercedes relationship and one of those customer teams is leading the drivers and constructors championships.

But off track too, McLaren have announced that they will no longer be producing the Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren sports car range in favour of producing their own line of high end cars. That can't have been an easy conversation in the board rooms after six years of collaboration.

However, this is just idle speculation, McLaren and Mercedes have been through a heck of a lot together and I think they'll be together and winning championships together for a long time yet.

Mark Webber is seriously unlucky..

I think Mark Webber might actually be the unluckiest man in F1. I know that statistics would most probably prove me wrong, but that's just how this season of F1 has made me feel. He's finished the last two races in 9th place and at the last grand prix that was due to his team releasing him from a pit stop into the path of an oncoming car, resulting in a drive through penalty.

Even Webber's one victory (so far, I hope!) this season in the German grand prix was despite receiving another drive through penalty, leaving me with the feeling that Webber comes through to win despite what luck throws up at him. This is my view, which I admit is based on feelings rather than a rigorous mathematical analysis.

Plus Mark seems like a nice bloke and it would be good if the nice guy won for a change. If a McLaren can't win the drivers championship then I'd rather it was him!

Hurrah!

Finally the government has apologised for the treatment of Alan Turing back in the 1950s.

More comment later, just happy there was some good news on the bulletins this morning!

ETA: I'm actually for once impressed by something that Gordon Brown has done! There's been the usual complainers saying that the apology is meaningless because it's nothing really to do with the Prime Minister and that it was a different age and Turing was tried by the laws of the time. To me that's not the point; this apology *is* symbolic, but it's a hugely positive gesture. It says that we realise now that what Turing was subjected to was wrong and that we accept that. By accepting that we move forwards, making things a little bit better for the future. We as a society say through our PM that being homosexual is not a crime and no one should be persecuted for who they are.

The actual details of the treatment of Turing are horrible. After being prosecuted for 'gross indecency' he avoided a gaol term by undergoing experimental chemical castration. But that wasn't enough punishment, by removing his security privileges at the same time he had his livelihood taken from him. The message at the time; being gay is a crime and makes you less than human. I can sympathise why Turing took his own life two years later.

To end on a positive note, as a society we have done horrible things to various people in the past and continue to in the present, but we're moving in the right direction and one day we'll have a world which we can all be proud of.

metric versus imperial

Yesterday was a sad day; I became one of *those people* who write to the BBC...

What was it that incensed me so? Well this story about a new species of rat being discovered in PNG was included in the news bulletin on Radio 4's Today programme. When they were reading the stats on the rat they were all in imperial units. So I was informed that the rat was 28 inches long and it's mass in pounds. However I have only a vague idea of what this actually is; I'm from the generation who were only taught in metric units in school, so the working knowledge I have of imperial units is from day to day interaction with people who use that system and even then I'm converting those units into metric ones in my head to understand them. Interestingly the units in the internet version of the news item are all in metric units with not an imperial one in sight.

So I emailed the Today programme to ask them why they had only read out the imperial stats relating to the creature and not even a token metric unit and to ask if the BBC has a policy on the issue (and I would be shocked if it turned out that they didn't). I'm waiting for my reply...

I do wish that the UK would finish the metric-ification process that was started 40 years ago. Imperial units were very useful in a bygone age, but that age is over and the metric system is far more appropriate and easy to use for the world we live in today.

Real racing

Went to see the British Touring Car Championship at Silverstone on the weekend, overall a very good meeting, but Silverstone was very cold on Sunday. The touring car races themselves were great close racing pretty much from start to flag which is what it's all about. Salon racing is just so much better to watch as a spectator than any single seater formula.

Support races for the weekend:

• Ginetta G50 Cup:

Three races of 22 laps each is too much for this series. The cars get spread out over the race distance and it can turn into a bit of a yawn. It isn't helped by Nathan Freke running away with the championship. Still race 2 of the meeting was actually good, a very pleasant surprise.

• Ginetta Junior Championship:

I love these races, there's always someone overtaking someone else and the winners of the series have been pretty varied. This series is for 14-16 year olds so shows us the potential talent of the future and there are girls in this doing very well mixing it up with the lads. This is what it's about; both sexes competing equally, not like the patronising horror of Formula Woman.

• Porsche Carrera Cup GB:

It could be good and the organisers are trying; they provide a large number of cars on each grid to cover the two 28 lap races but since there are three different classes running, the racing isn't as close at it would seem at first glance. In my opinion this could be improved by trimming the number of laps to encourage closer racing. After 28 laps the field is spread out and the crowd are just hoping for someone to spin out for some excitement. And it happened! In race 2 Tim Harvey of the ITV commentary team and reigning champion ended up beached in the gravel at the start of the complex.

• Renault Clio Cup:

These are the lot who used to try and win the race on the first corner. They've matured a bit and the racing really is now like the junior touring cars which it's billed as on the race programme. Sure some people end up in the gravel, but most make it out again and fight back. Even though the championship leader is 80 odd points ahead the racing is close, these guys have drive to win and clearly are having a lot of fun on the track.

• Formula Renault UK:

Not entirely sure why there's a single seater formula included in the meeting, but I guess there aren't too many high profile national series they could travel with. The racing was as good as you can expect from single seaters at this level and I'm sure some of them will probably end up in higher formulae some day (the programme hyped this up a bit by mentioning Formula Renault alumni Lewis Hamilton, Kimi Raikkonen and Heikki Kovalainen), but it's not what I was expecting to see at a touring car meet.